If I could share only one message, it would be...
Every decision you make shapes the trajectory of the rest of your life. No matter how seemingly minor—your choice of mate, whether to have children, your daily spending habits, the career you pursue, your education and training, where you live, who you befriend, your lifestyle—it’s all important. And when you have a choice to make, even when you decide not to choose or you let someone or something else choose for you, you are still making a choice.
As I neared my mid-30s, I grew increasingly discontent with my life. I wasn’t content with my marriage and other relationships, my career, my salary, my home life, the level of education I’d attained, nor the direction I was headed. The absence of passion and purpose in my life bothered me so much I couldn’t sleep. My key decisions had not been the right ones. The trajectory was warped.
Trauma from what happened to you is not your fault,
but healing and growing from it is your responsibility.
Inevitably, the time came when I had no choice but to take a few steps back and identify exactly what was making me feel inadequate and unfulfilled. Why was my life so blah? What was in my way? Why was I just going through the motions, working a job I no longer liked to pay the bills while keeping my sons healthy and learning. I had no peace, no joy. What was the point of life? There had to be more than this, I thought. I didn’t wake up eager to get my day started. In fact, I dreaded it. Both before and after my divorce, I felt my discontentment every day. My relationships suffered as I kept a huge wall between me and men who would have liked to be closer to me. I knew intuitively it wasn’t romantic love I needed to focus on; it was self-love. I was a strong, self-sufficient, independent, and loving single mother who was deeply devoted to my sons, but I was unknowingly being held back in every area of my life by pain from my childhood traumas. My decision-making abilities were being interfered with by my limited perspective, negative experiences, and limited expectations. I didn’t even know inner peace could exist for me.
When you’ve suffered the type and extent of childhood trauma in your life as I have, they can eat away at your self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence, and self-motivation if you’re unable to recognize it and overcome it on your own. You can easily find yourself in a state of depression. Seeking help from a therapist can make a tremendous difference between falling stagnant, continuing to trudge along to nowhere, or breaking through that which is holding you back.
If I have but one message to share, it would be to those of you who are not where you want to be in life. Never accept the status quo. Never settle. Never become complacent and think there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s never too late to change course. Because once you’ve overcome your traumas, as you elevate above it all the only thing left to do is to reinvent yourself. Envision where you want to be, what you want out of life, what you’re passionate about, what type of relationships you want, and what would bring you joy. Find your purpose. Create a plan to get there, acquire the education or training you need, and go get it. Don’t let anything else get in your way.
You can do it.
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